Do You

I sit at my desk

am I on your mind today?

The judge made his ruling.

You keep saying I am lying.

Honesty –it what you taught.

Everyone is sad now.

No one won, do you feel it.

I lost some innocence.

Never will that be mine again.

Forever I will be scarred.

Mom says you are sick.

She says that we need to pray.

What do I say to God?

Dad do you cry like mom does?

Oh Dad how could you do this?

Donna Marr

Dark Knight

Values of honor

drives the dark knight to patrol evil.

The heavy thud of his boots

shakes the tall trees as a warning .

Knights anger roars into the night.

Calling to  Evil one.

Coward show your true self now.

You can’t run forever.

The leaves on the trees trembled

as his words rumbled like a tornado.

Hostile threats rocketing

through the air igniting rage.

Tonight the battle ends

Onlookers fighting back the bile rising

from the pungent smell of hate.

Bones cracking and blood spurting

the two exchange powerful blows

Evil attempts to fight dirty

but Knight is on a mission

Evil will be paying for his sins.

His sword plunges deep

Evils vile blood pours to the ground.

Knight looks too heaven

He cries in a mournful howl

I did not ask for this burden

Everyone grows quiet

a young child approaches Knight.

Beckons him to his knees

Like the gentle breeze of April

Thank you she whispers in his ear.

The great knight weakened

by the sweetness of the child .

Takes her in his arms.

Returns his eyes to the sky

Ok I understand why I must.

 Donna Marr

Why Daddy

I wrote this for a close friend

Decisions were made.

He said I don’t have to go back.

Mom is relieved now.

No more can you touch me Dad.

Mom fought to keep me from you.

While I am safe now,

there are still so many questions.

Dad you never came.

Do I mean that little to you?

Do you agree I was right?

Oh dad why did you?

I won’t hear those things from you.

I won’t know your thoughts,

Why you hurt me in that way?

Mom’s fight to protect me has worked. 

Donna Marr

Butterfly

Her body now a shell of what used to be.

A cocoon of sorts-waiting for her mind to be free.

Locked inside of her disease, Alzheimer has no compassion.

But like the caterpillar waiting to be released as a butterfly,

Her soul will be once again soar with wings spread wide open.

If you look deep inside her eyes you can see her stir, waiting

to be free of a prison with in herself.

As the young girl who is helping her eat –she wonders do you

see me? Or can you not look past the wrinkles, the blank stare

in my face. Please remember I wasn’t always this way –

As the young butterfly hatches and wings dry-her soul stretches.

When the butterfly takes flight along with it goes her soul –up

over the buildings over the cars up to the tree tops.

Soaring up to heaven free from its restraints.

So is her soul with that her caged draws it last breath.

She to is now free to soar and ride the wind with the butterflies.

Donna Marr

Heavy Heart

Today it hit me we have always known Liza has a complex history. and we knew she was sick alot but today talking to some volunteers at the Immune Defeincy Foundation it is became very real.

I know that some live with this and have normal lives .. .but I catch myself wondering what is down the road for us.What does the future hold.

How much does she really have to go through... Tonight I am just anxious and scared.

so far

It appears there are still storm clouds in my house.

I am debating on running off on my family tonight and check out a support group. We can't both go due to there is no one to hang with Zach.

Loss

I was reading a book today about the concept on loss and the many levels it effects.
It is easy to understand loss when you look at it as the death of someone  but there is also another level of loss.
I was thinking about the loss of normalcy one feels living with someone with a mental illness.
When Zach is in his rage zone he is the most angry person his eyes turn black and he truly out of control.There is a sense of loss I feel for him. he will never be rid of his mental illness ,he will always be tied to meds and therapists.

Things like organized sports and school plays don't work for him.At the moment he hates large crowds and at times seem as though being home is enough.
There is a whole loss of "normalcy" not only not for him but for his whole family.Holiday meals ,birthday parties are too much for him.
A psychologist told me that kids like him know they don't fit in the "norm" and it is the one thing they crave is to be part of the norm.