So far everyone is content -when there are times like these I almost forget about the storm that lies beneath.The sun shining -the wind is blowing the chimes that combined with the hush of the pine tree it seems almost perfect
I grab those moments and cherish them.
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
The calm after the storm
Yesterday was a rough day for Z.Today he is calm and is his usual sweet self.It amazes me how ugly the storm can be. He is so out of control and has so little tolerance to stress.Tonight he is sitting here drawing and watch tv chattering away at me.
Last night he was like a raging bull and you best get out of his way.
I always worry about just how much to share about his mental illness. I don't want him judged and don't want him treated like oh it's that kid.
Last night he was like a raging bull and you best get out of his way.
I always worry about just how much to share about his mental illness. I don't want him judged and don't want him treated like oh it's that kid.
Monday, May 23, 2011
Today: Rage Rage Rage
Today: Rage Rage Rage: "I never know when the rages of Z will hit.or just how severe.Tonight I got in the way and got hurt.At one point in my life I would have been..."
Today: Naive
Today: Naive: "Every time I think I am all grown up and 'street smart' I realize I am still naive. When we adopted the kids I was naive then thinking that..."
Rage Rage Rage
I never know when the rages of Z will hit.or just how severe.Tonight I got in the way and got hurt.At one point in my life I would have been apalled at getting hurt. Now it is almost like doing the dishes.
Thankfully I had someone here to help me pull myself together ..
I called a fellow special needs parent and chatted about it all.
Sometimes I feel like I am a stranger in a strange land.Luckily I bump into someone from the homeland-Special needs land.
Thankfully I had someone here to help me pull myself together ..
I called a fellow special needs parent and chatted about it all.
Sometimes I feel like I am a stranger in a strange land.Luckily I bump into someone from the homeland-Special needs land.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Naive
Every time I think I am all grown up and "street smart" I realize I am still naive.
When we adopted the kids I was naive then thinking that I would be able to go and get services whether it be medical or therapy and be able to say they are special needs kids and I need help.I soon learned that I needed to jump hoops in order to get to what I sought. I have gotten better at understanding and playing the game ,although I still have issues with putting our kids second but at the moment it is a fight to get funding where it is needed.
I new lesson of my naiveness was I assumed I could turn to any church and we would be greeted with open arms and because we are all God's children that our family we be accepted and not that I was hoping for special treatment I had hoped for understanding.Instead and this isn't about religion everyone is entitled to their own opinion and freedom of choice to worship as they wish.But we were told straight to our face that we didn't love God enough and if we were better Christians God would lift the inflictions off the kids.It is our fault that these two kids struggle because we don't love God enough and we don't live like we are suppose too.
It just goes to show me that I am still naive if I didn't realize like anything else you need to research and make sure something is a good fit.
When we adopted the kids I was naive then thinking that I would be able to go and get services whether it be medical or therapy and be able to say they are special needs kids and I need help.I soon learned that I needed to jump hoops in order to get to what I sought. I have gotten better at understanding and playing the game ,although I still have issues with putting our kids second but at the moment it is a fight to get funding where it is needed.
I new lesson of my naiveness was I assumed I could turn to any church and we would be greeted with open arms and because we are all God's children that our family we be accepted and not that I was hoping for special treatment I had hoped for understanding.Instead and this isn't about religion everyone is entitled to their own opinion and freedom of choice to worship as they wish.But we were told straight to our face that we didn't love God enough and if we were better Christians God would lift the inflictions off the kids.It is our fault that these two kids struggle because we don't love God enough and we don't live like we are suppose too.
It just goes to show me that I am still naive if I didn't realize like anything else you need to research and make sure something is a good fit.
Sunday, May 1, 2011
What's my plan
That is what Z asked me today.tear filled eyes asked just what is Gods plan for me and cant he take the dark monster out of my head.
I had no answer all I could say was we can do is pray.I can document,run to therapy and research but I can't take the pain away.
I had no answer all I could say was we can do is pray.I can document,run to therapy and research but I can't take the pain away.
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